Stories and Feelings

Since I've been so bad at posting this month, there are seven new posts. You might want to scroll back and start at "Christopher's First Slumber Party" if you want to glance at all the new pictures and work your way back to this post. Actually, you'll probably have to click on the titles on the sidebar, because I don't think it scrolls all the way back to that one. Too many! =)

Sorry for the long pause...my goal now that I'm caught up is to have a new post up by Tuesday of each week. We'll see how that works out...but for now...sit back and relax! ;-)

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So that's an update on what we've done...here's an update on how we are.

Now that Kaela is three months old, I've officially been getting up 1-2 times a night for three months to pump or for the last 6 weeks since she's been home, Andy and I have been taking turns getting up to feed her and then I still have to pump. The good news is - at three months old, the baby should be able to sleep through the night. The bad news is - Kaela is three months old, but adjusted age just turned zero, so we have three more months to go before we can let her sleep all night long. =( Since she's done such a good job gaining weight, we have been able to drop one of the night feedings, so now we share getting up...one of us changes her and gets her bottle ready, then the other one feeds her. Kaela is getting much better at breastfeeding, but still gets worn out and needs to eat a little from a bottle at each meal, since it's easier. I've really started to try to push her a little harder now that she's officially full term - and I'm hoping by the end of November she'll be nursing and I can finally quit pumping and get some more time back in my life! Needless to say, we're pretty tired and worn down, but getting through each day happy to have two beautiful children.

Andy is doing well at work and enjoying his job. We're so blessed with wonderful jobs in a time of trouble for our economy, and we don't take that for granted. He's such a wonderful father and husband, and does so much to help me with the kids and around the house. I'm so thankful for him and for how much he cares for and works hard to provide for his family.

I'm doing well in general - I have so much to be thankful for. This past week, I realized I'm going through some post-partum depression. My emotions are pretty volatile, I feel depressed and worn down all the time and little things that I know I don't really care about make me cry (something I don't usually do very often.) I'm not motivated to do anything and don't have much of an appetite. All this makes it a little harder to chase a toddler, care for a newborn, keep up with a household and still have time for my hubby too. Andy has been so understanding and loving - we're working through this and I'm going to talk to my doctor tomorrow. My family has also been very supportive and my Mama has done so much to help me out. Thanks!

What really made me cry was a few nights ago, just a few days after I had told Andy about how I was feeling, he was putting Christopher to bed. They were saying a prayer when Christopher looked up at him and said, "Mommy sad, Daddy. Mommy not talking. Mommy sad." I had no idea a two-year old could express something like that - of course that broke my heart...the last thing I want to is affect my kids like that. I've worked really hard the last two days to lavish some love on him and smile and talk to him a lot. It's extra draining to put on a happy face when you're feeling down.

Of course, this makes everything harder for Andy too. I know he's tired and overwhelmed too, but he's doing such a great job pulling us all through this.

Tomorrow, we go to the doctor for a 3-D ultrasound of my uterus to see if a couple doctors can see anything that might be causing my early labors. Of course it will be good to know if they can find anything - but with feeling emotional already, I'm sure it's going to be a tough day.

So that's how you can pray for us right now.

On a lighter note, here are a couple funny Christopher stories that show his ever-developing mind.

Just before supper one time this week, he wanted some chips. Since I had to feed Kaela quick, I put about 5 in a little bowl and then sat down to feed her. He finished those rather quickly then brought me a different bag of chips and wanted more. I told him no because it was supper time and we would eat dinner soon. He seemed to accept that for a few minutes, before crawling up on the couch beside me where I had put the chips. In a pathetic little voice, he looked up at me with this puppy-dog expression and said "Cisser sick again. Need get all better." Then he opened the bag of chips and said, "Need more get all better. Cisser sick. Need more chips, Mommy." How could I resist? After each chip, he would look at me and say the same thing, explaining why he needed to eat each chip he pulled out of the bag. What a guy! What a mind!

Tonight, I was in the kitchen cooking dinner, when I heard something spill on the floor in the dining room. There was 1/3 of a bag of honey mustard pretzels all over the floor. I started to head that way, then decided to see what he would do. Normally he comes running when he dumps something to tell me that he made a mess and needs help cleaning it up. This time, I saw him peak over at me, then sit down and start cramming pretzels in his mouth as fast has he could. It was hard not to laugh. After a few minutes, I hear: "What you doing, Mommy?" "I'm cooking. What are you doing, Christopher?" A pause...then a whiny grunt...he didn't want to tell me. So I left him alone another minute or so then asked, "What are you doing Christopher, do you need help? "No. No need help. No mess." And pretzels were still being eaten as fast as a little hand could pick them up and as fast as a little mouth could eat them. Finally, I started to head into the room to see what he would do. He saw me coming and held up his hand saying, "No Mommy. No. No." and shaking his head vigorously with a panicked look on his face, knowing if Mommy saw the mess, she would make him stop and clean it up. So I turned back around. At dinner, he ate nothing - he was full of pretzels and there were only a few crumbs left on the floor to tell his story. Bad choice by Mom? Maybe - but it was too funny to stop him! Smart little guy.